The Real Reason Women Keep Putting Their Health Last (And How to Actually Change It)
She had the gym bag packed for three weeks.
It was in her car, ready to go, with her new Lulu sport bra tucked inside. She’d blocked off Tuesday and Thursday mornings on her calendar. She had a plan. Finally.
You know what happened. Her mom ended up needing a ride to her chemo appointment, she had to pick up a new debit card at the credit union, and then work went sideways the week of the kids’ recital, and suddenly it was six weeks later and the bag was still in the car. She didn’t unpack it because that felt like giving up.
I hear this story constantly. Different women, same bag in the backseat of the SUV.
Here’s what I know after years of watching women finally start: the schedule isn’t the problem. And if you’ve been blaming yourself for the lack of follow-through, I need you to hear this: you’re not the problem either.
What’s actually going on is more interesting. And once you see it, you can do something about it.
Time is the excuse. Not the reason.
I want to be careful here because I’m not going to tell you time isn’t a real constraint, because Lord-have-mercy that would be a lie. You are busy. You have jobs and kids and appointments and parents who need things and a house that has it’s own to-do list. Your schedule is genuinely full.
But most women who tell me “time is the reason” can also tell me exactly what they watched last night on Amazon Prime, how long they spent doom scrolling before bed, and at least two errands they could have put off until the weekend. I’m not judging, I’m just sharing observations.
Time is usually the answer we give when the real answer feels harder to say out loud. The real answer is usually something like: “I don’t know where to start.” Or: “I’m scared I’ll fail again.” Or: “I’m honestly not sure I deserve to spend 30 minutes on ‘just me’.”
That last one. That’s the one worth sitting with.
The guilt nobody admits to.
Can I be fully transparent with you for a second? I literally own a fitness studio. Fitness is my career. And I still have to actively push guilt out of the way to get my own workout in, with the to-do list on my desk and the house chores, the time I must spend with my grands, and the emails I need to tend to.
If it happens to me, it’s happening to you too.
Look ladies, we’ve spent yearssss – no DECADES – being the glue that holds everything together. And, I’m not sure when, but somewhere along the way, doing something just for us started to feel selfish. Wrong, even. Like we’d be taking an “unearned” break by squeezing in a 30-minute-just-for-me-workout. (how messed up is that?!)
Here’s what I actually see. When something has to give, she’s the first thing crossed off the list. Not the errand she could have put off. Not the favor she said yes to when she really meant no. Not the phone call that could have waited until tomorrow. Her workout. Gone, without a second thought. Guess which sessions are our busiest sessions at Coastal Fitness? The 5:30 and 6:15am classes. Not because these women are morning people. Because that’s the hour nobody needs them yet. They figured out the only guilt-free way to do something for themselves was to do it before the rest of the house woke up.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. 🍵 You’ve heard that before. Here’s the part nobody says after it: running on empty doesn’t just make you less effective. It makes you less you. The version of yourself you want to be, the one who has patience and energy and actually feels good in her own body: she needs to be the person you’re maintaining. Not the person you’re planning to get back to eventually.
You are not the backup plan.
IT’S NOT All-or-nothing.
Here’s a pattern worth recognizing. You set a big goal, you’re fired up, you go hard for two weeks, life happens, you miss a few days, and instead of just picking back up, you decide you have to start completely over. On Monday. Once things calm down.
This all-or-nothing mindset treats fitness like a streak that you either maintain perfectly or forfeit entirely. It’s an easy one to fall into because that’s how most fitness culture frames it: transformation, commitment, consistency like a clean straight line from A to B.
And woman with some wisdom under her belt knows that real life is definitely not a straight line. lol
Cindy is 67. She didn’t come to us to transform anything – she came in because she was tired of hurting and wanted to feel stronger. Cindy modified almost every exercise at first. She kept showing up. A couple of months in, she quietly started reaching for heavier weights. Nobody told her to, she just did. She eventually got strong enough to schedule the knee replacement she’d been putting off for years because she finally felt she had the strength to recover from it.
She just kept coming back. That’s it. That’s the whole secret.
Small and consistent beats big and perfect. Every time. No exceptions.
want the game plan?
Step 1: Stop winging it. The “I’ll figure out a routine on my own” plan works until life gets in the way, which is always. Walk into a place where someone just tells you what to do. Show up, do the work, go home. No planning required.
Step 2: Lower the bar. Seriously. Two days a week is enough. Showing up twice and keeping your word to yourself is worth more right now than a five-day streak you burn out of by week three.
Step 3: Find a gym community who will notice when you ghost them. Every gym you’ve ever quit let you go without a word. No text, no check-in, nobody who noticed you were gone. That silence made it way too easy to stay gone. Find a place where your coach actually reaches out to you. Not to sell you something. Just because they noticed you stopped showing up.
The hard part isn’t starting. You’ve proven that. You’ve started a hundred times.
The hard part is deciding that this time, you’re the one person you’re going to follow through for.
The gym bag’s been packed long enough.
Changing your habits takes time, and it’s definitely not a straight-and-narrow path, it’s just not. The mindset we see flourish in our little studio is this: A solution-focused mindset. When your day goes sideways, work around it, roll with it, but don’t abandon your goals. A set-back isn’t failure and it doesn’t mean you quit. Keep your eyes on your ultimate ‘why’ – to live fully in a strong, functional, capable body.
If any of this motivated you into action (and I hope it did!) I’d like to personally invite you in for a free workout here in our Gateway/Fort Myers fitness studio! Try us free, no strings attached – beginners are always welcome! You deserve to feel good in your own skin – you deserve to be healthy. It’s YOUR time. Here’s a bit about our memberships: [check out our memberships here]
I’m rooting for you!
Coach Jenn Bates
Wife, Mother, Grandmother
Co-Owner, Coastal Fitness
12220 Towne Lake Dr.
Fort Myers, FL 33913
Text us: 239-237-5508
Call me: 239-207-0003 (leave a message because I get so much spam and rarely answer the phone, ughh)
If you want to dive a little deeper into the psychology behind why women tend to feel guilty about prioritizing ourselves, check out this article here and this article here.
Jenn Bates is the co-owner of Coastal Fitness in Fort Myers, Florida, where she, her hubbie Neil, and a wonderful team of coaches, provide group personal training for all ages and fitness levels. She is not a doctor, and this post is not medical advice.
Coastal Fitness is a 30-minute small group personal training studio in Fort Myers, FL (Gateway area). Every workout is fully-guided, every exercise is modifiable, and we always notice when you’re gone. Your first class is on us. Come see what all the fuss is about at cfbbc.com.
Coastal Fitness 12220 Towne Lake Dr. #55, Fort Myers, FL 33913 (Gateway) (517) 605-0397 Serving Fort Myers, Lehigh Acres, Gateway, Estero, North Fort Myers, Buckingham, Miromar Lakes, and surrounding communities.
