She’s been doing alllll the things.
Walking every morning. Weighted vest on. Cutting carbs. Tracking her food most days. In bed by ten. Three months in, her clothes fit exactly the same as they did in January.
So she starts the math she’s done before. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough. Maybe I just don’t have the discipline other people have. Maybe this is what happens when you get older and you have to make peace with it. It’s the “why can’t I lose weight after 40?” question I hear from women in our Fort Myers studio almost every week.
Here’s what I want to say to that woman, because I’ve sat across from her more times than I can count. The rules changed, friend. Your body rewrote them somewhere in your 40s, quietly, without telling you. Sit with me for a few minutes. Let me catch you up.
YOUR BODY CHANGED THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL
Somewhere in your early-to-mid 40s, estrogen starts a slow, uneven decline. This is perimenopause. It can last up to ten years (Lord help us). And one of the first things to go, quietly, is the muscle you spent decades building without thinking about it.
Women lose roughly 0.6% of muscle mass per year after menopause. That sounds tiny until you remember that muscle is your metabolism. As muscle disappears, fat moves in to fill the space. Which is why the scale can read the same number while your body composition has completely shifted underneath your clothes.
A study in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism confirmed it. Postmenopausal women burn measurably fewer calories at rest than premenopausal women of the same age and weight.
Same age. Same weight. Different metabolism.
So the woman doing everything she used to do and getting none of the results she used to get isn’t imagining things. Her body genuinely operates by a different set of rules now.
And then there’s cortisol
As estrogen drops, your stress hormone goes up. Not necessarily because your life got harder, though it might have. Estrogen helped keep cortisol in check. Without it, your stress response runs hotter and stays elevated longer than it should.
Here’s what chronically high cortisol does: it tells your body to hold onto fat. Specifically the kind that settles right in your middle. The kind that doesn’t move no matter how clean you eat or how many miles you walk.
The cardio loop that keeps YOU STUCK
The most common response to all of this is to push harder. More steps. More classes. More sweat.
I understand. Cardio was my love language for years. But for a lot of women in perimenopause, hammering more cardio onto an already-stressed system makes things worse, not better. Hard cardio spikes cortisol. If your cortisol is already high from the hormonal shift you’re in, that brutal spin class pushes it higher. Your body reads it as one giant stress signal and clamps down on the weight.
Meanwhile, the thing that actually helps keeps getting skipped because it sounds too intimidating, or too simple, or like something meant for someone else.
Lifting weights.
Not pink dumbbells. Not “toning.” Real resistance training that builds back the muscle you’ve been losing, raises your resting metabolism, and tells your body it needs to stay strong.
A 2025 University of Exeter study followed perimenopausal and postmenopausal women through a 12-week low-impact strength program. Participants saw a 19% increase in lower body strength and improved hip function. Menopause didn’t stop them. Their bodies still responded.
^^^ Let me be super clear about that study – menopause (and any stages pre- or post-) did not hinder these women’s ability to get stronger, improve balance, and gain a little lean mass from a 12-week low-impact resistance training program. Participants in this study saw a 19% increase in lower body strength and hip function! If you want to go deeper on either of those studies mentioned above, read them here and here.
What actually works now: Our Top non-negotiableS
You don’t need ten rules. You need a few things, done consistently.
The women in our Fort Myers fitness studio have learned that you need to eat more protein than you think you need. Keeping it simple, a good rule of thumb is to shoot for 30g per meal. Most women I talk to are way under-eating it and have no idea.
Lift heavier than feels comfortable. Progressive resistance, not the same 5- or 10-pound dumbbells every week. This. Seriously. This is what changes how your clothes fit and how you age with grace. Strength training means the difference between becoming a “walker granny” vs a granny that kicks ass.
Oh and sleep like it’s part of your training, because it is. Cortisol regulates at night. Put your phone in another room and get some good sleep.
And finally, genuinely, the most important piece: find exercise you’ll actually do. A program that fits your real life, that doesn’t require an hour you don’t have, and that has someone paying attention when life goes sideways and you stop showing up.
The thing I most want you to hear
If you’ve been doing everything right and nothing is working, your body changed, friend. And because of that, you gotta make a few tweaks to your routine. Listen, I’m 53… I’m right there with you, battling the muscle loss and the visceral fat. The struggle is real, and my gosh, the “gift” of womanhood keeps kicking us in the vag. BUT, we MUST get you off that hamster wheel of doing stuff that’s not working for you anymore. I want you to be able to say “I finally feel like myself again.”
If you’re in Fort Myers and you want to try something different, come see us. Thirty minutes. A team of coaches who know your name and will meet you exactly where you are. No guessing, no intimidating gym floor, no cliques, no judgment, no figuring it out alone. We’ve seen this a hundred times, and we know how to help.
Here’s a bit about our memberships: CLICK HERE and if you’re feeling especially motivated, right this very second, then jump on that and schedule your first workout with us. It’s free! SCHEDULED FREE WORKOUT BY CLICKING HERE.
📍 Coastal Fitness | Fort Myers in Gateway | cfbbc.com | @coastalfitness239
I’m rooting for you!
Coach Jenn Bates
Wife, Mother, Grandmother
Co-Owner, Coastal Fitness
12220 Towne Lake Dr.
Fort Myers, FL 33913
Text us: 239-237-5508
Call me: 239-207-0003 (leave a message because I get so much spam and rarely answer the phone, ughh)
Jenn Bates is the co-owner of Coastal Fitness in Fort Myers, Florida, where she, her hubbie Neil, and a wonderful team of coaches, provide group personal training for all ages and fitness levels. She is not a doctor, and this post is not medical advice.
Coastal Fitness 12220 Towne Lake Dr. #55, Fort Myers, FL 33913 (Gateway) (517) 605-0397 Serving Fort Myers, Lehigh Acres, Gateway, Estero, North Fort Myers, Buckingham, Miromar Lakes, and surrounding communities.
